Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Swashbuckling guy from high seas seeks soulmate

There comes a time in the lives of most young eligible girls, when their parents’ worry about their future (read settled state of affairs) and it overcomes every progressive notion in their modern outlook-ed life. When such a state of affairs comes to pass and the said young girl is unattached, the only logical thing to do in our society of the arranged marriages is to look for potential grooms- by hook or by crook! So said hapless female has to be subject to being posted on matrimonial sites, at the receiving end of ‘eligible’ biodatas and be the object of interest for other matchmaking mommas and other busybodies within and without the neighbourhood.

There are two ways to overcome this assault, to pretend to go with the flow or to stubbornly hold ground. We might advise, maybe a tad bit impertinently that for the sake of your peace of mind, and harmony at home, its better to go with the former.

And so it happens, you’re swept by the inevitable tide which we will call ‘A suitable boy’ and it takes over your life much like a tsunami. More of that later. Much more entertaining is to be at the receiving end of some ah, truly unique proposals. As an honorary confidant and best friend, I am happy to say, I am privy to many such interesting stories and for that, let me introduce you to – Yama* (name changed for purely entertainment reasons and because she had the misfortune to have been called that once upon a time) – a truly unique and balanced girl if there ever was one. I can wax lyrical but it will not stop me from having fun with and at her expense. But darling that she is, she doesn’t not only not mind but keeps my entertainment quotient in check. Without blathering on any further, let me show you the letter she received, yesterday.

Introducing:

Yamo: On her laptop, checking mails

Ravvy: Aka Ravinder Singh, Swashbucking Naval Merchant sailing the high seas, looking for love, life partner and marriage..

Scene 1, One and only Act


Well , I am Ravinder Singh . I saw your profile in ****** matrimony website.

I don’t know how to start, whether to say hi or hello, which of the two sounds better , All I know is that this is a marriage proposal letter.
(REALLY? It is? I would never have thought?!)

I write to you because I would like to express my undying and unconditional feeling for you after reading your profile. Marriages are made in heaven and when it’s about yours and mine after reading your profile, I believe that God might have taken some special time and consideration so that I get the best in this world .
(I want to say something very sarcastic and witty but I’m currently speechless)

MARRIAGE. This eight -letter words elicits different emotions and feelings to different people. People have fallen in love with their life partners as long the earth has existed. (O Reelee?)

People have and always are looking for new and creative ways of expressing their love to their beloved ones. One of the oldest ways of expressing interest in getting married to a girl is writing proposal letter. The letters were then sent in the mail or some other applicable means including sending a messenger. Nowadays love letters have taken a different form with the advent of faster communication especially the Internet. (So technologically advanced! Are you sure there isn’t a future here Yamo?)

Today, I have taken the mature decision of listening to my heart and decided to express my feelings for you. So I am writing this marriage proposal letter to live with you forever and want to know about your decision about marriage. (Forever? *Gulp* and you’re still writing the letter huh? What was all this before: a foreward?)

I was thinking about this marriage proposal since last three days , I am in merchant navy, and I am in this since 200n. Just today I came from –insert American Country name- , and I am writing you this letter because I want to know more about you and want you to know more about myself……..I cannot detail each and everything here in this letter. Yes, one thing more me and my family don’t believe in caste and kundli matching systems. I am against dowry so plz you are requested if u get agree you plz come in 3 clothes “ chunni , kurta , salwar” that will be enough for me and rest my responsibility to take care of you needs and whatever you like.

(Ok now I will take a break from all cynical sentiments and say HATS OFF. No dowry, caste or kundali matching, I want to ask this guy ‘R u fo real?’ for more than one reason.

Reinsert humour - chunni, kurta and salwar? Heinji? Why not pant-shirt ji? And undergarments??? )

So , I would like that you please contact me as soon as possible so that we can discuss further.

My contact details are here below –

My chatting id is on yahoo – “ *******”
My email id is on yahoo- wouldlovetomarryyou@yahoo.com (
Entirely fictitious. Wouldn't want you troubling the dashing young man)

I have nothing to ask, . You are truly my better half as what I think after reading your marriage profile. . When I look into my eyes through mirror , I know that there is at least one person who believes in me and will be there with me always this how I take my life partner as.
(Look into own eyes in mirror? If there were someone else’s it would be pretty freaky, I must admit)

I hope you can read between the lines and guess just how much I really want you in my life as my life partner.
(I think she got it, yea?)

So I request you To end my dreaming and put to reality.
(Nope. Never)
Waiting for your warm and positive response
Contact me as soon as you can

Ravinder singh


Yama, meanwhile is still wondering what she should do. After having laughed herself silly, she is utterly exhausted and clueless, and perhaps speechless, like us.

Now I know a LOT of you will want to point out the genuine sentiments enclosed in these warm and hearty words and I would like to tell you I am not at all blind to any of them! This is just finding humour in a slightly odd situation and I’m sure you would too, if you suddenly saw this email pop into your inbox. More so if you were a guy :D

Disclaimer: English uniqueness is entirely attributed to the writer and I take no credit whatsoever. Maybe its some sophisticated form of English used only by well-traveled individuals, especially those who frequent Latin America.

2 comments:

Mrinalini said...

Ok, must tell you how very hilarious it is! i cant get over his pre-decided love for a person on a matrimonial website.

and to Yamo, the best thing to do when 'They' want to get you married is what you are doing! you are livin it up!
a big big thumbs up! :D

JustPerfect said...

Agree with what Mrinalini said, however let me tell you all...that i m ACTUALLY (Seriously) recieved a proposal for the alliance of my younger sister with exact same words...LOL..tha guy has a picture too in the profile and he is telling exact same things stated on this website....Cant believe those kind of frauds happen on the matrimony websites too.

 

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