Monday, October 24, 2011

F.R.I.E.N.D.S desi style

In this hectic life of ours, there are a few things we love devotedly. Things that the humdrum of routine cannot take us away from. Infact, things that would make us happy people if we could bring them into our routines forever. Watching sitcoms would feature somewhere on top of that wishlist and F.R.I.E.N.D.S could just take the crown and be done with it.

But one very late night, Nandini and Mrinalini were discussing how they had been termed certain things because of their ‘race’, sometimes by neighbours, sometimes by acquaintances (read: people who don’t feature anywhere in the list of important people but who talk and judge as if they do) and suddenly they realized how Chandler did some things very characteristic of a Punjabi. One thing lead to another and before we knew it, we had realised each and every member of Friends was THAT endearing to us only because they were also similar to certain fellow Indians. True story. Read the very racist version below:

Rachel ‘Rachhi’ Chawla: What else could the quintessential, picture perfect Rachel be but a Punjabi? The fetish for fashion, the expensive clothes and style, that slight element of superficiality and appearance oriented outlook, all covering a very genuinely generous heart?

The pieces fit, right? She’s the hawt, slightly spoilt girl. Maybe lets qualify her as a modern Punjabi chick :D You know the one we’re talking about. Well turned out, nails done, not a hair out of place and an ensemble right out of the pages of a fashion magazine. In Dilli, we sometimes also call them GK types but let's not forget that Rachel also has a soft heart, very Punjabi-people like loyalty to friends and despite everything, an incurable sense of romance, very conventional at that!

She also has that typical dysfunctional family where siblings quibble, her father expects her to 'do well', her mother expects her to marry well (read marry a wealthy dentist) and also often criticizes everything, from the cut of her hair to her profession as a waitress. Wait, it can't GET any more Punjabi than this!

Ross 'Robindra' Chattopadhyay: The oily haired, very academic Mama’s boy who philosophically believes in true love. He loves flaunting his degrees, literally calls himself a doctor and thinks he knows more than collectively all his friends, purely on the basis of his education. His mother dotes on him, keeps the best things of the family reserved for him, (typical of a Calcuttan Ma with a kid called Bapi). What he has with Rachel, is what we call Rabindric form of love, that pure eternal love that stands the test of time, even several marriages in the case of Ross. You can expect a typical Titli and Shekhar to love each other since school, meet each other at various points in life, be with different people and still be destined to be together. Ask any benagli guy, he will nod. So yes, Ross thakche sir!

Monica 'Mala' Raman: now, Monica could have been many things, but a South Indian fitted her best. From the several south Indian friends we have, there is one thing that comes out starkly; that they are very particular. Ever watched Monica clean her kitchen slab or cut her vegetables? Infact, ever seen her without her frown lines or that sense of hurry? Yes, welcome to the land of Monica, the Southie. She has OCD, loves to compete everywhere (have some Southie colleagues if you want to experience this) and is very particular about the tiniest to the biggest thing in her life. Ofcourse, she thinks she is the best in no matter what you tell her to do, be it cooking up a Thanksgiving meal or playing foosball or winning the lottery, even at the cost of pushing and shoving her friends. Oh and yes, watch her over think and over analyze all of her relationships in life and you will know what we are talking about.

Phoebe Gonsalves: There are no two ways of describing Phoebe. She is just very Boho. And very Goan, if you ask us. She loves to dress up in carefree and Bohemian clothes like long flowy dresses, necklaces, flowers and her usual hairstyles are as if she is on a vacation with beads, bands etc. She has many lovers, sometimes two at a time, reeking of the typical Goa animal. The best part about her, is that she can’t be bothered. Nothing in the realm of regular, mundane life can affect her. She has a fun, weird way of living, which doesn’t necessarily include sanity or sensibility at all times. To add to the very Goan avatar, she loves crystal balls, tarot and after life. Tell a Goan about your problems and they will ask you to loosen up. So will Phoebe.

Chandler ‘Chandu’ Chadha: Yes, we do believe that Chandler would be a Punjabi too. An elitist, foot-always-in-the mouth witty Punjabi. For who else can be as casually sarcastic but always tactless like Chandler than sadda pados da Chandu Chaddha who will have a – "Hey! What’d I say moment", after he’s said some silly but very very 'mooh phat' thing. Take for example his ability to constantly ask awkward questions, crack jokes that only he finds funny and a terrible sense of timing that makes for many comic moments. Punjabis are very aware of their quality of spurting out the first thing that comes to their minds and it probably makes them who they are, slightly rude, very funny and entertaining people.

Joey 'Jaggi' Hooda: C'mon! You cannot miss the signs! If there was ever a translation of friends into typical Indian sects with racist connotations, Joey would definitely be a Jaat boy :D We mean, he's good looking, good physique, and low IQ :P Is this too racist? We wouldn't know since one of our best friends is Jatni herself but we're good at typifying people so here it is! Drinking galleons of milk because he likes to (remember the milk and spoilt juice cartons?), constantly hungry (you could say that's common to all boys but everybody knows Jaat boys have great gastronomic potential) and his belief that he definitely has a way with women, and what do you know, he does too! He's adoringly dim and while everyone loves to hate jaat boys, one cannot but admit they have a local charm, much like the Italian Joey in New York! If you take away all the strippings, Joey is a dumb jock and well, you know the rest!

And we know we know! It is borderline racist but these twenty somethings are Bengali, Punjabi, Jaat and are friends with Punjabi, Bengali, Jaat, South Indians, North Indians, Sindhis, Gujaratis, Baniyas, Muslims, Goans, Bohemians, and all other forms of Indians. (Yes we admit it! Slight bias towards Punjabis and Bengalis but we cant help it ok?) And no, we're not discriminating, we're probably stereotyping and so long as its in fun, its ok right? RIGHT?? :P Ok. Glad we're clear. Wouldn't want this to be like the famous 'Open Letter to Delhi Boy' :P Or maybe we would want that. Fame. Sigh!

P.S: Image Courtesy: Google Images

Google search words on the lines of

Haryana Jat, Punjabi, Modern Bengali man, South Delhi Punjabi, South Indian typical, Bohemian Goan Indian Woman Boho. Amongst others!

Friday, October 21, 2011

Life’s strange lessons

Few days back I got to learn about a colleague’s father’s illness. She had called up another colleague of ours to ask for a blood donor. When I enquired I got to know that he was suffering from a rare cancer. As she is in a different team and we have had limited interaction, I had no clue about her father's illness till then, which many of my other colleagues were well aware of.

After some contemplation, today I mustered up the courage to speak to her about him. Like any other person, I am really awkward about such conversation and usually clueless as to what to say. I mean, I want to say something comforting but I fear that it may sound superficial.

So today, while chatting with another colleague I spotted her roaming around by the bay. The colleague I was chatting with inquired as to who was staying at the hospital and why she wasn't taking leaves. She smiled and said, 'The company won't pay me to take so many leaves na. Besides my uncle is there with dad today so its fine.'

Out of politeness I asked her how he is doing, knowing very well what the answer would be. She said he was in the ICU and more or less the same. On an impulse I told her that if she needs someone to stay in the hospital I could do that. She stared at me for few seconds. I don't blame her because this was probably the first time I was having a proper conversation with her. Before this we had only exchanged a few polite 'Hi's' and discussed work. Never had a personal conversation.

As she stared at me for few seconds (out of amusement or surprise I don't know) I quickly added 'You know, there are times when in between shifts you need one person has gone home and the other is yet to reach and one or two hours in that.’ She thankfully got my point and said 'Yeah'.

I got to know that he had a rare cancer which had spread from his back to a part of his stomach. I cringed thinking about the pain he was going through. Think about it, when one is ill, the first thing one does is lie down on his back to rest and if you have a cancerous cyst growing there how difficult it would be to rest.

She also told me how it was initially a cyst which was operated on few years back and how it kept coming back. He had, after a while, opted for ayurvedic treatment and that probably lead to the delay in detection, she said. I knew that she and her younger brother lived in Delhi and worked, while her parents stayed in Bhopal. So, for them to shift to a different city just for the treatment would not have been easy. Being the elder one, my colleague would obviously be taking charge of things...and it surely wasn't easy for her.

I suggested her to take a second opinion if possible at this hospital I know which is considered the best for cancer treatment. She just said, ' It was detected in the fourth stage. And it’s rare so there is no cure as such. It can't be operated.' The chemo that he has been going through has effected his brain and has left part of his face paralyzed.

What shook me the most that when she was talking about something this serious, she remained calm throughout. There was no remorse or sadness or any kind of expression on her face for that matter. Maybe she knows how it’s going to end, maybe she was used to talking to people about her father's illness but it takes strength to talk about it without breaking into tears.

I have been going through a bit of crisis personally but after I spoke to her my problems seemed so trivial and so vain that I was almost embarrassed that I had been crying about such stupid issues all this while. I know that for each one of us our own problems are always the biggest but when one looks around, and notices what all people are going through, one should just be thankful that god has not been that unfair to them.

My colleague is probably going through hell but she is being extremely brave about the whole thing. She comes to work everyday doesn't whine about which shift she is on while some of us try to shirk work and adjust shift timing to fit in our plans with friends.

It’s amazing how life teaches you to be tough in the most difficult times when everyone expects you to break down. But perhaps, that's the beauty of life, its lessons come at odd times when you are least expecting it.

A big hug to her.

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Swashbuckling guy from high seas seeks soulmate

There comes a time in the lives of most young eligible girls, when their parents’ worry about their future (read settled state of affairs) and it overcomes every progressive notion in their modern outlook-ed life. When such a state of affairs comes to pass and the said young girl is unattached, the only logical thing to do in our society of the arranged marriages is to look for potential grooms- by hook or by crook! So said hapless female has to be subject to being posted on matrimonial sites, at the receiving end of ‘eligible’ biodatas and be the object of interest for other matchmaking mommas and other busybodies within and without the neighbourhood.

There are two ways to overcome this assault, to pretend to go with the flow or to stubbornly hold ground. We might advise, maybe a tad bit impertinently that for the sake of your peace of mind, and harmony at home, its better to go with the former.

And so it happens, you’re swept by the inevitable tide which we will call ‘A suitable boy’ and it takes over your life much like a tsunami. More of that later. Much more entertaining is to be at the receiving end of some ah, truly unique proposals. As an honorary confidant and best friend, I am happy to say, I am privy to many such interesting stories and for that, let me introduce you to – Yama* (name changed for purely entertainment reasons and because she had the misfortune to have been called that once upon a time) – a truly unique and balanced girl if there ever was one. I can wax lyrical but it will not stop me from having fun with and at her expense. But darling that she is, she doesn’t not only not mind but keeps my entertainment quotient in check. Without blathering on any further, let me show you the letter she received, yesterday.


Yamo: On her laptop, checking mails

Ravvy: Aka Ravinder Singh, Swashbucking Naval Merchant sailing the high seas, looking for love, life partner and marriage..

Scene 1, One and only Act

Well , I am Ravinder Singh . I saw your profile in ****** matrimony website.

I don’t know how to start, whether to say hi or hello, which of the two sounds better , All I know is that this is a marriage proposal letter.
(REALLY? It is? I would never have thought?!)

I write to you because I would like to express my undying and unconditional feeling for you after reading your profile. Marriages are made in heaven and when it’s about yours and mine after reading your profile, I believe that God might have taken some special time and consideration so that I get the best in this world .
(I want to say something very sarcastic and witty but I’m currently speechless)

MARRIAGE. This eight -letter words elicits different emotions and feelings to different people. People have fallen in love with their life partners as long the earth has existed. (O Reelee?)

People have and always are looking for new and creative ways of expressing their love to their beloved ones. One of the oldest ways of expressing interest in getting married to a girl is writing proposal letter. The letters were then sent in the mail or some other applicable means including sending a messenger. Nowadays love letters have taken a different form with the advent of faster communication especially the Internet. (So technologically advanced! Are you sure there isn’t a future here Yamo?)

Today, I have taken the mature decision of listening to my heart and decided to express my feelings for you. So I am writing this marriage proposal letter to live with you forever and want to know about your decision about marriage. (Forever? *Gulp* and you’re still writing the letter huh? What was all this before: a foreward?)

I was thinking about this marriage proposal since last three days , I am in merchant navy, and I am in this since 200n. Just today I came from –insert American Country name- , and I am writing you this letter because I want to know more about you and want you to know more about myself……..I cannot detail each and everything here in this letter. Yes, one thing more me and my family don’t believe in caste and kundli matching systems. I am against dowry so plz you are requested if u get agree you plz come in 3 clothes “ chunni , kurta , salwar” that will be enough for me and rest my responsibility to take care of you needs and whatever you like.

(Ok now I will take a break from all cynical sentiments and say HATS OFF. No dowry, caste or kundali matching, I want to ask this guy ‘R u fo real?’ for more than one reason.

Reinsert humour - chunni, kurta and salwar? Heinji? Why not pant-shirt ji? And undergarments??? )

So , I would like that you please contact me as soon as possible so that we can discuss further.

My contact details are here below –

My chatting id is on yahoo – “ *******”
My email id is on yahoo- (
Entirely fictitious. Wouldn't want you troubling the dashing young man)

I have nothing to ask, . You are truly my better half as what I think after reading your marriage profile. . When I look into my eyes through mirror , I know that there is at least one person who believes in me and will be there with me always this how I take my life partner as.
(Look into own eyes in mirror? If there were someone else’s it would be pretty freaky, I must admit)

I hope you can read between the lines and guess just how much I really want you in my life as my life partner.
(I think she got it, yea?)

So I request you To end my dreaming and put to reality.
(Nope. Never)
Waiting for your warm and positive response
Contact me as soon as you can

Ravinder singh

Yama, meanwhile is still wondering what she should do. After having laughed herself silly, she is utterly exhausted and clueless, and perhaps speechless, like us.

Now I know a LOT of you will want to point out the genuine sentiments enclosed in these warm and hearty words and I would like to tell you I am not at all blind to any of them! This is just finding humour in a slightly odd situation and I’m sure you would too, if you suddenly saw this email pop into your inbox. More so if you were a guy :D

Disclaimer: English uniqueness is entirely attributed to the writer and I take no credit whatsoever. Maybe its some sophisticated form of English used only by well-traveled individuals, especially those who frequent Latin America.

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

The pretty times in not-so pretty times.

(Click to Enlarge)

A serious bout of seriousness has hit us. No jokes, each has been dealing with a range of emotions, namely anger, frustration, homesickness, delusion, anticipation and for one of us, its taken a toll seeing us all in such a state.

Nandini, the not so silent witness and listener to all our woes came with a genius idea unmatched by any khuraphati we know in our lives. A sudden dose of such fun made us roar in laughter all at once. Much needed, trust you me.

God bless our friend.
And while God is at it, hopefully He also takes care of our individual miseries.

Monday, July 25, 2011

Please mind the gap

Since the time the Delhi metro introduced one whole compartment for ladies, we haven't stopped blessing them. Let's face it. It’s not a cool idea to travel with sweaty and at times horny men. (Please note we aren't calling everyone horny). So for the last seven months, journey on Delhi metro has been smooth.

Or NOT. Well the ladies are fine, yes. But they come with their own hang-ups. So we bring to you the different kind of travelers that we encounter on a daily basis. Yes we know you have been always curious to know what happens in that 'exclusive' compartment of ours. Don't lie now; we have seen how you guys look at our compartment forlornly. So here it is.

The Pushy Woman: Yea she pushes and hard.

Charactersistics: Semi Belligerant, will demolish all resistance in her way

Beware: Pointy elbow

The ‘Edjuster’: Aunty types who will assume one square inch of seat is sufficient to accommodate her ample ass. She will insist that people ‘edjust’ (read:adjust) for some space.

Characteristics: Big Bum, no offence, its inevitable. Underestimates self ass size

Beware: She may attempt to sit on your lap, at the very least, your thigh.

The Hawk: She will outrightly ask you which stop you’re getting down at, and make faces if its not convenient. She will then scrutinize all ‘sitters’ for signs of getting up and leaving and the merest movement will gain her notice.

Beware: In a competiton to occupy the nearest vacated seat, she is like a rugby tackler. She WILL not lose.

The BO Queen: Yes we do wonder, synthetics in summers and monsoons? Nobody tells them it’s a bad idea? Or their own noses are so assaulted that the olfactory nerves are immune to self sweat stink?

Characteristics: Will stick close to you with perhaps one deadly underarm raised. Sweat patch may or may not be evident, dependant on the grade of synthetic she is wearing

Beware: Of passing out by sheer odour assault.

The Farter: Inevitable. There are these women who will undoubtedly enjoy the multitudes of the metro and the anonymity of being able to let out a silent but deadly one. Worse if it’s a stander because the sitters get the worst of it.

Characteristics: Well there are none, are there. It could be anyone

Beware: Of being in the fart epicenter and being looked upon with suspicion by fellow passengers whose noses have dived in their shoulders or protected by their hands.

The Queen: She comes and asks meekly to give her some space to sit. Slowly and cunningly she takes over the entire seat making you look like the new entrant who asked others to ‘edjust’.

Characteristic: They are smart, operate silently and shrewdly.

Beware: Of giving up your comfortable seat to a not so innocent co-passenger.

The Indulgent mother: She will allow her annoying little pesky kid to do anything and everything in the metro. Will not care if her indulgence causes inconvenience to the co passengers.

Characteristics: she smiles and beams proudly at her kid. Lets the kid monkey around, scream, run around. She will just sit and smile through the whole thing

Beware: She might ask you to shift to let her kid stand next to you on the seat and enjoy the wonderful world outside. If you agree, well...then good luck to you!

The Annoying Kid(TAK): Kids are sweet things......people of course. Cute little people. Mostly. Unless they're traveling and cranky or traveling and hyper. In which case they can be a royal nuisance, despite said cuteness. They will wail and weep, wipe their snotty little noses on the metro seats, want to stand and look at the scenery and incessantly comment on it, in a loud voice, ask annoying questions or if they're hyper then they will think the metro poles are made for the express joy of their being able to swing around it like little monkeys. Never mind that your shoe/foot may get trampled or your bag has size 2 foot prints on it, The Indulgent Mother will smile leniently as if her offspring was born for the sole purpose of doing this act which must in effect bring joy to everyone around.

Characteristics: You know which ones. Dont start again.

Beware: The chances of TAK being fascinated by any of your gadget or possessions are high. If that should happen, you are advised to pretend the next stop is yours and get off, and get on again. (Exit Strategy) Unless you want said gadget smeared with fingerprints, snot, saliva amongst other unsavory things.

The Surreptitious eater: Yes, they do exist. Despite metro rules stating that (intone) Eating and drinking is not allowed inside the metro premises- people have the irresistible and seemingly uncontrollable urge to eat something while traveling by the metro. Maybe they can only consume food while traveling in air conditioned public transport? Who knows.

Characteristics: This person looks shifty. Male or female. Will keep food article concealed or in a bag and frequently be observed shoving things into their mouth and munching furiously while darting furtive glances around. Some also try to brazen it out and eat like they own the compartment and daring anyone to object.

Beware: Namkeens can be messy so it is to be hoped you're not sitting next to someone obliged to stuff millions of little food particles in their mouth sneaking because chances are, food spraying will happen. Also, in case you sit next to a noisy eater, please refer to Exit Strategy mentioned above.

The Accidental Guy: The odd man who enters the ladies compartment in the mistaken belief : "Ohmaigawd- empty-ish apartment full of the indianladies. Waow." and then quickly makes a hasty escape when he realizes that there is fee (fine) for ogling manyindianwomens and he could just as easily do it for free on the roads of the Delhi.

These are a few of our random sarcastic satirical observations. Any resemble to anyone living is purely intentional. Please feel free to add your experiences to it as well.

A sense of humour is a prerequisite.

Friday, June 17, 2011

Drops of Jupiter

Walking gets too boring, when you learn how to fly!

Let's cover the clichés first- great weather, some purpose in life, (mind you only SOME because people with a lot of purpose are not so easily delighted), doughnuts, rain, some selectively chosen music to compliment the clouds, and some mindless dancing. Did I cover everything? Vodka shots? But its daylight, let's save that for later!

An awesome bookstore, some nice poetry (definitely a bluestocking!), nice conversation with a few darlings, random hugs to mom and the prospect of a delicious weekend.

Now am I covered?

Friday, May 6, 2011

Yeh Dilli hai mere yaar...

Yet another link, yet another conversation.. and the same simmering anger that I feel over having my home insulted. It may not be perfect, it may not be utopian, but it's also where I live and I would rather ignore the flaws that catalogue them and be perpetually dissatisfied. It doesn't mean I'm blind to its imperfections, it means that I love it despite them, that I live with them daily and maybe a warped side of my brain even cherishes them for how it makes my home unique. My home, my city.. Delhi.

Oh yes, if you're a hater, you can stop right now and google 'Reasons to hate Delhi', grab some soda and snacks and have a little gloat about how some misguided, stereotyping writer has got it right yet again- how Delhi is so uncouth and Dilliwalas are manner-less and that nobody cares about their neighbours, we have a faux culture which includes only showing off and 'show-sha', how socialites are rampant and sentences start with who do you know instead of what do you know and they blather on about traffic,sewage, pollution, population,politics and everything else in between.

I'll be the first to know what's wrong, after all I do live here. Yes, it's my birthplace and it makes me partial to its eccentricities and inadequacies. But not blind, never that. Being a girl in the city, I know exactly how unsafe it is for me, and I certainly don't cherish that, I also know how bureaucratic it can be, how hard. But that's not all it is and that is what I want to acknowledge. That you out there, and all the others atleast have the fairness to concede that it is what it is and its not all bad, to have the grace to live and let live, to leave if you can't handle it and to suck it up if you can.

But let this not be a rant against a rant. It's not a justification or a defense or a stance. It's just letting *you* all know that we know what you might or might not think and that friendly sparring apart, it just gets boring after a while. *yawn* We know you love to hate Delhi. Which incidentally is India's 'international/domestic airport' city, with people docking in from all parts of the country and beyond so it is pretty much a reflection of everyone in this country than a separate 'breed' of individuals.

Poor Mrinu was once very uncouthly called Dilli ki billi. And then quoting a dialogue from Dev D, the conversation went on to talk about 'Dilli ki billi ko maaro, kaato, lekin paalo nahi.' (You can kill a cat from Delhi, even cut it up, but never try to make it a pet.) This was from a person who himself lives in Delhi or would like to say so, when the truth is that he resides in Gurgaon, the neighbouring Hariyanvi region Delhi so graciously embraces. That the person knew nothing about Mrinu but could call her that, is a classic example of how people perceive Delhi to be.

They decide, rather predecide that it is the city for the over-pompuous, easy going, not-so-hard working, flashy and conceited individual and frankly we've had enough! Poor Mrinu might never recover and she anyway was never a cat-lover to begin with! Pshaw.

Phew. That was a bit of a rant anyway. Oopsie. But if you KNEW how many anti-Delhi articles and chats I've had recently, you'd say I was justified!

Okay, I'm done!

Alpha, beta, romeo. Do you copy?!

Sunday, February 20, 2011

And the world spins madly on...

It's been a while since anything music related was posted. With the influx of tonnes of music videos, great songs and links floating around in cyberspace- to make music a bit more meaningful and attention worthy becomes harder. But hopefully the combination of this lovely video and the beautiful song will be the perfect attention holding experience. Here goes nothing! The video is goosebumps inspiringly gorgeous :)

Woke up and wished that I was dead
With an aching in my head
I lay motionless in bed
I thought of you and where you'd gone
and let the world spin madly on

Everything that I said I'd do
Like make the world brand new
And take
the time for you
I just got lost and slept right through the dawn
And the world spins madly on

I let the day go by
I always say goodbye
I watch the stars from my window sill
The whole world is moving and I'm standing still

Woke up and wished that I was dead
With an aching in my head
I lay motionless in bed
The night is here and the day is gone
And the world spins madly on

I thought of you and where you'd gone
And the world spins madly on.

Saturday, February 19, 2011

Monday, January 17, 2011

Respect, Mr.Lyricist.

We have all grown up during the 90s, haven't we? So it is but obvious that we grew up on Bollywood numbers, nay? But confession time, not just any Bollywood numbers, we danced on the raunchiest ones available. Those days, item songs were not really existent, so when the film makers had to add some masala, they would make the hero and heroine do, well, stuff. But as ten year olds, we understood zilch, except the beats. And we danced. Unknowingly to what we danced to. Here are some of our fondest memories, minus the raunchiness that we now understand.

Angna mein baba, duaare pe ma, kaise aye gori, hum tohare ghar maa..would be my pick.

This song was a hit with me and my sister, we would choose to be the girl and the boy in the song and enact it with the steps as shown in the TV. The song was plain fun and had beats that made you gyrate. Little did we know then, that the song had such a, umm, well sexual meaning.

Your father is in the porch, your mom is at the entrance, oh dear fair lady, how do I enter your house?
When I will finally come in, I will like to eat. So what will you feed me?
I will feed you garam garam pooris, you will eat from my soft soft (naram naram) hands.

I mean wtf. WTF. Why are they talking with such innuendos, and why were we as 11 year olds, singing this song?

Govinda knew a lot about sarkaaeleu khatiyas and found them jyaara too, just like any boy would. He was the epitome of such songs and his pelvic thrusts meant more than just good dancing. I know now.

As for the trouble the boy had in the song, well, I may safely say it is quite a problem in real life, especially cos the moms actually never leave the house.
Respect Mr. lyricist.

You see, I’d hate to admit that I ever liked a raunchy number, or even heard any when I was a child. 80’s and 90’s were, and still are, the data bank for the sleaziest songs (lyrics +choreography), so if asked otherwise I’d pretend to have never watched one and give you a raised eyebrow look for doing so :p

Chumma chumma de de..
The song that made ‘chumma’ more offensive than ever, is indomitably my most liked raunchy number. From pelvic thrusts, to grinding, to taking/tearing clothes off… this song was ‘cheapumptious’ (cheap + sumptious...i just like the combination I came up with) I still vividly recall how I would dance like crazy on this number, wearing my frilly frock (I was 7 then, do not judge) dancing on the sofa and repeatedly calling out ‘chumma chumma’. My mom though, could not tolerate my naïve self any longer and one day, told me that it was not “ladylike” to dance on such numbers…and definitely not the way I did :p

But I never outgrew my liking for this song, the tune..Yes, the tune still makes my feet tap.

I have two songs that I’d like to mention in this post.
Jaati hu main, jaldi hai kya
Dhadke jiya, wo kyu bhala

The song came out at a time when my allegiance was slowly shifting from Aamir Khan to the great SRK. He had just done two or three odd movies before Karan Arjun (for the uninitiated and the ignorant fools, the above song is from this film). I was in love with not just Shahrukh Khan but also the Baazigar pair of Kajol and SRK. On top of that, Kajol’s blue off shoulder top with colourful skirt (yes, I had an eye for fashion even back then!) made the song extremely watchable (if that’s a word). Two of my favourite stars gyrating on a catchy number, what more could I ask for. And I really didn’t care about the meaning behind the song.

Few more lines from the awesome song:
Jaadu tere jism ka teri or kheenche mujhe
Kaabu na khud pe rahe, jab jab main dekhoon tujhe

Holy crap! And I knew the entire song and used to take pride in the fact that I knew the words and the exact tune. No one cared about this talent of mine, but I was still very proud of it. Now that I think about it, I feel like making the younger me shut up!

I’d also like take a moment here and mention the super hit track from the film Khalnayak. It went like this, Choli ke peeche kya hai..
Now, I wasn’t allowed to sing this song as a kid. I knew it was scandalous but never could fathom as to why people raised eyebrows on this song. It was only few days back when I heard the song again, that I realized the big deal about it.
Yes. Two days back. At the age of 25.

Rukamani rukamani shaadi ke baad kya kya hua
kaun haara kaun jeeta khidki mein se, dekho zara
ooo o o o ooo
Baahon mein hai baahein daale meethi baatein hone lagi
Khatiya bhi dheere dheere khat khat hone lagi
Aage peechhe hua to jhatpat hone lagi

So this mast number from Roja which had a great tapping beat and had these old ladies slyly singing on a khat, which by the way, wasn't clue enough for my pre-teen, pre-pubescent mind.

That they were actually talking about a couple, erm, doing it on their wedding night and who came out tops is scandalous enough, never mind that its in a patriotic film. But filmy masala is filmy masala, who says the freedom fighter oriented flick can not have its share of raunchiness in the form of lewd lyrics. And please don't forget that this is the same movie which had the song 'Dil hai Chota sa, choti si aasha.'. The diabolical irony of this is not lost on me now.

They also mention what chacha and chachi and mama mami might have done, for which I have just one thing to say- ew gross! Its nice to think of most elders as asexual beings and this is the kind of denial I am happy to live in.

One stanza also had the following lyrics,
Mile do badan to ye jawaani khil gayi
Zameen aasmaan ki har khushi tab mil gayi

Eh, really? I'm not even going to translate it into English!

And I do pity the Rukamani's of India post Roja. Atleast the ones who understood.

And please don't forget that when this movie released, early 90's, I was a little kid. Innocent, musically unsound, tuneless but caught on to random songs with ease. And I can't even say this song is double meaning. It has only one meaning and it has been made quite plain.

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