Saturday, April 10, 2010

What if?

Giving Up

What if we stop having a ball?
What if the paint chips from the wall?
What if there's always cups in the sink?
What if I'm not what you think I am?

What if I fall further than you?
What if you dream of somebody new?
What if I never let you win, chase you with a rolling pin?
Well what if I do?

I am giving up on making passes and
I am giving up on half empty glasses and
I am giving up on greener grasses
I am giving up

What if our baby comes home after nine?
What it your eyes close before mine?
What if you lose yourself sometimes?
Then I'll be the one to find you
Safe in my heart

I am giving up on making passes and
I am giving up on half empty glasses and
I am giving up on greener grasses
I am giving up

I am giving up
I am giving up
I am giving up on greener grasses

I am giving up for you
I am giving up for you
I am giving up

As always it started with a song. I was discussing with a friend last night how life should have a soundtrack, our lives as seen through a music, when people don’t break into a song but a song chooses moments in your life to represent in music what you can or can not in words.

♫ I am giving up on making passes and
I am giving up on half empty glasses and
I am giving up on greener grasses
I am giving up ♫

These are the key lyrics. I’m no caterpillar sitting on the mushroom of relationships (Alice in Wonderland twisted reference, and no I haven’t seen the movie yet, I just happen to like the book a lot.) and I am no all knowing grinning Cheshire cat (:P There, again!) but I’ve seen things, I’ve heard much and I’ve been a sometimes silent, sometimes vocal and many times a very reluctant witness to relationships, the course they take and the many hurdles that almost fling themselves in love’s gentle path.

What perplexes me is do you decide whom you fall in love with? Or is it decided for you? Because clearly if so many people need to ‘work’ on all relationships, there must be some considerable amount of maintenance required, nein? I’m being rhetorical here; I know all relationships need work, from a casual friendship to the seemingly most easygoing relationship. It’s work. Period.

But here’s my na├»ve and somewhat inane question, how do you decide that this is it? That this is the one person with whom you would try and make it work? That beyond this one person your eyes must not stray and that they consolidate the sum of all your desires. And that you give up after that, you give up looking for the one. Because to all intents and purposes you’ve made your choice and its an almost irrevocable one, to many of us. (Barring the promiscuous ones but that’s a discussion for another day. Or maybe no discussion. They don’t believe in monogamy and that’s simple enough to understand).

I’ve had discussions with many happy couples and I can’t say that they had doubts. In fact most of them have had crippling doubts about each other to the point of wanting to call it off but after getting people (I have been ‘people’ sometimes, many times in fact) to convince them that its worth ploughing on, its worth all the trouble- the derailed track of troubled love for the while runs on schedule again. Till when? The next hurdle? The next doubt? The next temptation?

What happens when an engaged man realizes that there is a better deal out there? That the person who he thought was the one, wasn’t. What happens when the married woman feels like straying, but is convinced it’s for the path of true love, truer than what she’s experienced so far? And what’s to say that something higher than that won’t come along? Or are we not supposed to think like that? That all such thoughts should be clamped down in to the recessed corners of our mind to be only taken out furtively like banned books and shoved back again?

Because someone explained to me that that is what dating’s about; testing waters with different people. But is it? So your marriage is ultimately your final date? Is that why so many people don’t believe in marriage? Its not like if you’re ‘merely’ living in with someone without having exchanged sacred vows that you expect any less?

What if you feel shortchanged? What if that one chance meeting with someone who makes you feel more at home than anyone else ever has done deserves a chance? Are you being greedy or justly reasonable? Maybe you’re trying to be fair to yourself and the person you’re dating. Maybe you’ve both been each others 8’s while 9’s or 10’s existed out there? (Yes yes, I know! :P)

I know many people are simpler than this, and I hope and pray that I will be one of them because its unlikely that a lazy person like me would make double the effort so I hope strike one does it. But what about everyone else? The thinkers, the ones who contemplate ‘what if’s’ and maybe act on them?

I know, I’m sure most of you have varied opinions on this and I’m looking forward to reading all perspectives. But just before you hit comment, this isn’t my state of mind. This is not a question I’m thinking of, its something I’ve observed and I’m just commenting on it, like you will.

It all boils down to faith and hope then? They’re not bad things to fall back on, them two.


Anjali said...

i know what u mean when u say "is this the one?" because i have had same the question always. How does one decide? Can anyone ever? But i guess people have different ways of knowing.
And its easy to stray. Not that am defending it, but really it is...people change, things happen so yeah its easy. But till the time it lasts it should be good. Its important to give it your best shot always, and equally important to not to be shattered if it doesnt work out. But yeah, its easy to ask such questions, have such doubts and have possible solutions being the third party( and thats why people in relationships come to you with thr problems :)) but its totally a different ball game when ur the one who is affected. Then one tends to defy logics.

Anjali said...

oh and the "what ifs" will always remain.In almost everything, not just relationships. Because we humans are never satisfied with what we have, we will have doubts, expectations blah blah. I guess, we need to ignore them and just enjoy the things that we have right now. Sounds idealistic eh? :P

Piya said...

Really, this is one post i have no comments to add to and that's because I understand every line and every thought behind that so well :. Well written Nandini and better observed.

Piya said...

@anjali: stick to this bit..."I guess, we need to ignore them and just enjoy the things that we have right now" ;) :*

Mrinalini said...

u knw nandu, u have touched my fav topic, i have spent so many hours in my life pondering about these what ifs..and never really come out with answers, just the questions..
and yes, while every person's scene is different, one cant but help thinking of the greener grass..almost always and everywhere in life :)

Anonymous said...

fantastic post! its seems like such honest thoughts just poured out of u :) thanks for sharing.

and i love ur closing line.

- limenlemons

noname said...

the answer is rather simple actually. He is NOT the one, coz there is no such thing as the one! What you really need to ask yourself is whether you want to live in your little bubble and wait it out, or do you want to take life for what it really is. you take a chance and hope and pray that it ws worth it. see, the thing about mistakes is that you wont know you made one till you make one. there is really no other way. Date today while you have the time. you may get lucky. And then again, you may not, but you would have tried.

and one last thing that i must add, if at some point you do realize that it was a mistake, nobody can force you to live with it. You can always stand up yourself and set things right, or at least hope to. It's really only about courage.

Kanishk said...

There'll always be a 10 out there.. at least it would seem so. But are relationship about scores ? If they are then there's no end to the search :)


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