Saturday, April 10, 2010

What if?

Giving Up

What if we stop having a ball?
What if the paint chips from the wall?
What if there's always cups in the sink?
What if I'm not what you think I am?

What if I fall further than you?
What if you dream of somebody new?
What if I never let you win, chase you with a rolling pin?
Well what if I do?

I am giving up on making passes and
I am giving up on half empty glasses and
I am giving up on greener grasses
I am giving up

What if our baby comes home after nine?
What it your eyes close before mine?
What if you lose yourself sometimes?
Then I'll be the one to find you
Safe in my heart

I am giving up on making passes and
I am giving up on half empty glasses and
I am giving up on greener grasses
I am giving up

I am giving up
I am giving up
I am giving up on greener grasses

I am giving up for you
I am giving up for you
I am giving up

As always it started with a song. I was discussing with a friend last night how life should have a soundtrack, our lives as seen through a music, when people don’t break into a song but a song chooses moments in your life to represent in music what you can or can not in words.

♫ I am giving up on making passes and
I am giving up on half empty glasses and
I am giving up on greener grasses
I am giving up ♫

These are the key lyrics. I’m no caterpillar sitting on the mushroom of relationships (Alice in Wonderland twisted reference, and no I haven’t seen the movie yet, I just happen to like the book a lot.) and I am no all knowing grinning Cheshire cat (:P There, again!) but I’ve seen things, I’ve heard much and I’ve been a sometimes silent, sometimes vocal and many times a very reluctant witness to relationships, the course they take and the many hurdles that almost fling themselves in love’s gentle path.

What perplexes me is do you decide whom you fall in love with? Or is it decided for you? Because clearly if so many people need to ‘work’ on all relationships, there must be some considerable amount of maintenance required, nein? I’m being rhetorical here; I know all relationships need work, from a casual friendship to the seemingly most easygoing relationship. It’s work. Period.

But here’s my na├»ve and somewhat inane question, how do you decide that this is it? That this is the one person with whom you would try and make it work? That beyond this one person your eyes must not stray and that they consolidate the sum of all your desires. And that you give up after that, you give up looking for the one. Because to all intents and purposes you’ve made your choice and its an almost irrevocable one, to many of us. (Barring the promiscuous ones but that’s a discussion for another day. Or maybe no discussion. They don’t believe in monogamy and that’s simple enough to understand).

I’ve had discussions with many happy couples and I can’t say that they had doubts. In fact most of them have had crippling doubts about each other to the point of wanting to call it off but after getting people (I have been ‘people’ sometimes, many times in fact) to convince them that its worth ploughing on, its worth all the trouble- the derailed track of troubled love for the while runs on schedule again. Till when? The next hurdle? The next doubt? The next temptation?

What happens when an engaged man realizes that there is a better deal out there? That the person who he thought was the one, wasn’t. What happens when the married woman feels like straying, but is convinced it’s for the path of true love, truer than what she’s experienced so far? And what’s to say that something higher than that won’t come along? Or are we not supposed to think like that? That all such thoughts should be clamped down in to the recessed corners of our mind to be only taken out furtively like banned books and shoved back again?

Because someone explained to me that that is what dating’s about; testing waters with different people. But is it? So your marriage is ultimately your final date? Is that why so many people don’t believe in marriage? Its not like if you’re ‘merely’ living in with someone without having exchanged sacred vows that you expect any less?

What if you feel shortchanged? What if that one chance meeting with someone who makes you feel more at home than anyone else ever has done deserves a chance? Are you being greedy or justly reasonable? Maybe you’re trying to be fair to yourself and the person you’re dating. Maybe you’ve both been each others 8’s while 9’s or 10’s existed out there? (Yes yes, I know! :P)

I know many people are simpler than this, and I hope and pray that I will be one of them because its unlikely that a lazy person like me would make double the effort so I hope strike one does it. But what about everyone else? The thinkers, the ones who contemplate ‘what if’s’ and maybe act on them?

I know, I’m sure most of you have varied opinions on this and I’m looking forward to reading all perspectives. But just before you hit comment, this isn’t my state of mind. This is not a question I’m thinking of, its something I’ve observed and I’m just commenting on it, like you will.

It all boils down to faith and hope then? They’re not bad things to fall back on, them two.

Thursday, April 1, 2010

Do's and Don'ts

Funny thing happened in the morning today. You see my new job (which is not so new anymore) entails me to wake up early in the morning and start working from home. So every day I wake up really early in the morning (let me not disclose the time here…some people might die of shock) open my laptop and start working.

Since, I wake up really early in the morning, it so happens that most of the days, I am sleep deprived. Anyway, so today while staring at the laptop and trying to make some sense about the stuff I was writing about, I felt this strong urge to take a power nap. Point to be noted here, I was up and working for almost one and half hours by this time and my family was just waking up. Yes.

I decided to take a short power nap (power naps are supposed to be short, aint it?) and resume work after sometime. So I lay on my comfy bed and dozed off thinking that the sleep would do me good and I would start working again in sometime. Suddenly my dad entered the room declaring “Do’s and don’ts for Kolkata!!”.

Bit of a background here. Long weekend ahead, so am going to Kolkata, alone. To catch up with some friends, faff, the usual. Anyway, since morning this was the first time that I was talking to my dad. I mean I didn’t even know that he was up and about!

So yeah, when he entered the room declaring that, the drousy-in-sleep me got a little startled. He of course ignored the fact that I was trying to sleep and continued“First, do not do late nights. Dont give your uncle and aunt (I am going to be staying with my relatives) unnecessary tension”.

“How late is ‘late night’?” I asked.

“Don’t come home at 12. Its not done. You are staying with your relatives. Remember that”.

“Second”, he continued “Do not have vodka there!”

Ok now I was fully up! Are you kidding me? I am going to be meeting friends there, they get to booze and I don’t!? Instead, I made a funny face and said “Do I ever come home drunk, dad? Why would you say that?” and tried to look hurt. It didn’t work.

“That is not important here, what is important is that you listen to me. Do not have vodka there. I don’t want the entire Kolkata discussing my daughters love for Vodka!” Sigh, dads can be dramatic.

“Third, do not disappear for the day. Do not go on a silent mode. Basically keep us informed about your whereabouts.” And with that he left the room and slammed the door shut.

It took me a while to take in all the instructions. Then I realized that the list consisted of only donts. So what about the Do’s? Surely he could suggest me some places to visit, to eat etc. So I went out and asked him. “You just told me about the Don’ts. What about the Do’s?”

All he had to say to that was “Do’s are hidden in the Don’ts. Figure them out.” and went back to reading his paper.

Dads. Funny people. :-

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