Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Mundane Musings!

In utter blah-ness that has persisted way too long now...I tried writing a diary entry, tried writing a fictitious story and when all attempts failed this is what i came up with..thoughts trying to rhyme with words ???

Carefree and merry that’s how life use to be

Everything seemed manageable and there was no sign of ennui

Sitting on those college steps, sipping tea was my luxury

now luxury is considered getting free from work at five thirty .

Time seems to be passing by so quick, it’s hard to keep pace

You suddenly feel trapped and choked when ‘life’s’ reality hits you in the face

School and college days feel like a long gone fantasy,

where envy and contempt were mere forms of juvenility.

This world is a battle ground you learn to survive,

warily avoiding all the bickering and the constant strife.

Staring in the mirror I wonder what made me this way,

looking so worried, unhappy and frayed.

Will my silence be mistaken for my weakness?

If so, should I be caring a damn!

My resilience stronger than my will power

Don’t really bother about who’s being a sham!

Sunday, October 18, 2009

Aayi Diwali?

Diwali, the festival of lights. There is so much I can randomly say about it except that it’s become such a commercial and sparse festival, that I wouldn’t be able to say much without ranting quite a bit. Of late, all I could relate to it was, traffic jams, rush for buying gifts, a cursory puja, sweets, a not such a ban on firecrackers and a day that left you feeling a little happy but a little desolate as well. Don’t ask me why, I’m strange.
When we were little, Diwali was about fire crackers, about family getting together and praying, about new clothes and gifts that you got but again, of late, it has been about money in envelopes, estranged family members and haphazard pujas which you dutifully partake in regardless of where your mind is. It hasn’t been all bad of course, there have been some really quirky ones that I’ve celebrated and remembered and probably will for years to come. I love lighting candles and diya and just going from room to room lighting all possible light fittings, I loved the Diwalis when me and my sister used to just rent movies or buy VCDs and watch them non stop one after the other with breaks inbetween to be hospitable to guests, I loved going to the Gurudwara and lighting candles there as well. I loved? I still love ☺ So while I criticize some aspects, there is loads that I can see in it to make me smile eve when the overall picture doesn’t look so great.
This year, I’m away from family and friends and everything that is familiar so while I have the objectivity that is somewhat inbuilt, I’m also sentimental. I will miss sending ‘Shubh Dipawali’ smses to everyone who sends me one (that’s how I function!) I’ll miss sitting quietly in the evening figuring out what needs to be done, I’ll miss just picking up the phone to talk to my friends and passing the evening hanging on the phone with someone who was probably having just as lousy a time as me.
Distance makes the heart grow fonder? I think so ☺ I’ll be lighting up my little corner regardless of where I am, and hope that the Gods of small/big/medium sized things remember to bless my little cranny as well.

Happy Diwali everyone :)

Shubh Deepawali for those who prefer to be more traditional ;)

Monday, October 12, 2009

If only...

O re manwa tu toh bawaara hai
Tu hi jaane tu kya sochta hai
Tu hi jaane tu kya sochta hai…
Kyun dikhaye sapne tu sote jaagte…

The song was striking a chord slowly but steadily. She was listening to the whole song for the first time. Before this, she had only caught the trailers on tv…he was playing it from a CD, that made her wonder how did he burn a CD of that recent a song so soon…she wasn’t complaining though..it had just rained, and the sky was now a happy blue and air was fresh and vibrant, almost as if the breeze was a little girl in a ponytail, running in a meadow..happy, carefree and alive…

The car had open windows and there was no dust entering inside from the cars as there weren’t any..just a stray one now and then…they were on the highway of the Vasant Kunj Gurgaon road, and the speed of the car made her heart race..

The song, the weather and her feelings were playing frenzy with her mind and heart. She was worried he might be able to hear her heart beat.

This man, this absolutely gorgeous young man, tall and lanky, bright eyes and a laugh that spread to his eyes and made his whole face so very expressive and lively. What would she not do to see him smile and laugh beside her always? How had she not realized in the seven long years he had been a buddy, that he was the one who made her feel absolutely complete, absolutely happy, almost smug…

He joked about something, and she blushed, and then bit her lip, realizing that now she would be made fun of. He had seen her blush and asked her if the song was doing this to her…

All those years, they had been good friends, and yet she hadn’t bothered to think of him in this light. Tied up with bad relationships, a hectic job, a stressed family life, she had taken him as granted…the last few months he had shifted to her city, she had discovered she could feel something much, much more for him. And right now, she knew exactly what it was. The feeling of knowing made her shiver a little..

He now took a smooth turn and the airport loomed large in front of them. She asked why the airport, weren’t they on a long drive? He said, soon she would know. He parked his car in front of the arrivals and waited. He leaned against the car and she gazed at him peacefully, let her eyes go through his whole frame and smiled at herself. She had a prince waiting for right next to her, while she was busy kissing frogs..

From nowhere out of her day dreaming, she heard him shout out, “Hey Archu! Finally meet my best kept secret, Tina! My love, my foreign returned doll!” and then he turned to Tina and added, “God I missed you so so much!”

She was stunned for a while. Leaning on the other side of the car, she didn’t know if she could walk again, her feet felt like lead. She walked slowly to the other side and joined in the hugs and hand shakes.

“So this is Archu! Hi, I have heard so much about you. I told him to tell you all about us, but you know him, some crazy surprise he wanted it to be! But you cant shout at him, he is just too adorable! Two years were maddening without him….”

She just mumbled a few words, yes, ya he is, he never told me, wow, am happy for you guys..

And just at that moment, the same song started inside the car again.

Jo barse sapne boond boond,
naino ko moond moond
naino ko moond moond
kaise main chalun, dekh na sakun, anjane raaste…

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