Friday, November 14, 2008

What's in a name....

Has it ever happened to you that when you look at a person you feel that person should be called a certain name? Do you feel that a person can look his or her name? Confused? Let me give you an example. When I first joined work, in the bus (yes my office provides transport, one of the numerous reason I am still working in this place) I saw this guy who looked very Punjabi (To all the Punjabis out there…I love you guys, Please do not take it personally) He wore branded jeans and branded floral shirt, a big metallic watch (also branded) to office. The shirt and the jeans were a size smaller or he had just expanded since the time he had bought it. He always wore Rayban shades, most of the time they were perched on the forehead or hung from his shirt pocket. His face was/is/will be always …round, and he had coloured hair. One look at him and I decided that he must be a “Gaurav” and believe it or not his parents also thought the same. See what I mean. Some people just look their name. Like Mrinu looks like Mrinalini, or Piya looks very Piya.

So some people look their name and some don’t. Yes, some don’t. I’m sure you and your friend at some point in your life must have said this “She should have been called…instead of ….” Or “She is soooo much like a …..” (Fill in the blanks with the suitable names)We all have ‘code’ names for people. If you don’t, then perhaps you lack the imagination which is another issue altogether. Anyway, coming back to names, like everyone we also have names for almost everyone. People who we like generally get good names and people whom we don’t like get names that suit their personalities (or so WE think). Nice names range from DIVA (because she behaves like one) to JB (initials of a name) to Goddess (because she is one) to Dan (short form of a looooong name) to The Lawyer (simply because of his profession) and so on and so forth. Most of these names are for friends, some get to know their ‘code’ names, some don’t but in any case they don’t mean any harm.

Funny names are fun. Sometimes these names become so common that one forgets the actual name of that person. Our workplace is full of them. I shall elucidate.

Blockage- Imagine a tall fair pretty girl with beautiful long hair. Add some extra kilos to her. Now imagine this pretty lass with a heavy baritone. And we have Miss. Blockage for you. Wondering why she is called Blockage? One fine day she found out that poor little Mrinu was having cold. So she took it upon herself to enquire about her health sweet I know but whatever!) And always one constant question (in that baritone) and in a matronly way “So how are you today? Mrinu(feebily) “ Ok” blowing some more into the napkin “ And the BLOCKAGE?” The emphasis was always on the word Blockage. For the longest time whenever Mrinu thought about her all she could hear around her was the word “blockage” in that tone.

Matka- It’s not difficult to guess why a person is called that. Obviously for his physicality. This man happens to be a marketing guy who makes our life miserable by piling more and more useless work on us. And it doesn’t help that he looks and behaves like a ‘matka’. He is short, fat, and dark. He can’t speak a word properly and almost squeaks every sentence. And yes just like a matka his head is empty. He lacks substance. His actual name happens to be Arjun Agarwal but our team fondly calls him Matka. So much so, that once in a meeting Joe (my team mate) almost called him “Mat” and stopped at the right moment with us glaring at him. In his defense Joe said later “I just couldn’t remember his name. None of us call him that!”

Ishaan- Remember Ishaan from the film Taare Zameen Par? We have our very own Ishaan at work. He is a friend. But he doesn’t know he is referred to as Ishaan. Why you may wonder? Well, he is special. Or as Mrinu would put it “a little tara on the zameen” .The guy is a certified geek and has no qualms proclaiming that. Although 24 years old but he claims he is not more than 6.And is very proud of that. Awwww, our little Ishaan…He gets excited seeing gross pictures, enjoys toilet humour and loves to play ‘missed call, missed call’ on Gtalk when bored. Just like the Ishaan in the film, our Ishaan is totally ‘Bindaas!’

Purple Hair Giant- The name explains it all eh? This man is the most fascinating creature I have ever met. When I had first joined office he used to have long pink hair. He is about 5.10`, huge and had French beard back then (he recently shaved it off, revealing he has no chin) had long purple hair, which slowly turned shocking pink, and wears only shades of dark blue or black. Wow! The man had the hots for our Nandu for the longest time (another story for another time) He went bald in the middle maybe in the grief that Nandu had rejected him the 44th time. Is over friendly with the entire office and thinks he has the coolest sense of humour. Me thinks, he is just plain irritating. Current status is that he is dating Blockage and has lost 2 kgs. Ah love!

CUJ King-He used to go in the same bus as Mrinu’s. Quite the looker, he attracted a lot of female attention (Our ex-colleague Nida and Mrinu also being ‘one of them’). But CUJ king was hot only till the time he kept his mouth shut. The moment he opened it err…let’s just say lot of dreams were shattered. On his Orkut profile one of the most frequently used word is “CUJ” Eg: ‘I don’t like books cuj they r boring’, ‘Cuj am hot!’ etc etc. Yes, he meant ‘because’ or maybe ‘Cuz’. Once he had come to our bay to meet Nida and Piya had started singing ‘Kajrare’ loudly. We all were in splits CUJ it was funny!

Pigeon one and two- Two women look exactly the same but aren’t related. They both go in my bus, and have a neck like a pigeon and round eyes. They both love to be on the phone 24/7. Cannot sit properly and keep kicking and adjusting their seats through out the journey, love to disturb others around them but hate being disturbed. Pigeon One is taller and Pigeon Two stares a lot! Off late they have become bummies and are performing together for the upcoming office bash. I’m eagerly waiting for their event.

Verbal Abuser- Ex- colleague Nida’s fiancĂ©. Uses abuses like punctuation marks in his vocabulary. But only in front of guys. In front of girls, he is full of ‘Lucknowi Tehzeeb’. He slips only when he is drunk. Ah.. can’t blame him, it’s the alcohol talking. His ultimate dream: To challenge every able bodied guy for a fight. He claims that he can win every single match.

LL aka Luscious Lips- My boss. Has fat lips (well taken care of with moisturizer) which are the most prominent feature of his face followed by huge nose. Simply gross.

Bus Bhaiya- Sweet guy, goes in my bus. Also a friend and is the mushiest guy on planet earth. All his Gtalk status messages are dedicated to his girl friend. Mrinu had a tiny crush on him which Nandu found hard to digest and said “But he is our Bus Bhaiya”. You know, some guys just give out that brotherly vibe and he is one of them.

I’m sure by now you must have got an idea of what I have been talking about. There are names for almost all weird characters and our office is full of them. And I haven’t even started with my college and school list.

Disclaimer - We aren’t uppity. We are just a tad bit sarcastic and yes, have a sense of humour. Our kind. All the people mentioned above are nice people and we don’t hate them. They provide us with a lot of entertainment and I have to admit, office would have been quite dull without them. So, to them!


Nandini said...

Oh I simply love this post!! :D :D
and everyone has names, we're just being honest and creative with that. Of late I also know, Corporate Uncle, HR Guy, Obnoxious Girl, SM- Stop man...etc etc. Yes I'm addicted and no I'm not uppity either ;)
BLOCKAGEE!! hahahahaha and Bus bhaiyya!! those you know these people will agree and others might be inspired to be creative!

Nandini said...

those who know *

Ugh to all typos

Piya said...

ahhhh....i love this post. it's hilarious.. if the above mentioned people ever chance upon your this blog, you think they'll figure its them??
i secretly wish they do:D specially, purple hair/elephant guy and his woman:p

Anjali said...

i hope they never find out!!beacuse i'll surely be killed! if they do read , i hope they have a good laugh over it thinking that its someone else's :P

Mrinalini said...

fantastic! i am honored to say that I know each one of them and I completely agree to all the names given!!! :D
and yes, you have put the logic behind each name very simply yet very effectively...even people who dnt knw them can imagine and chuckle :P

Red Soul said...

wow. very cute post. very real.

Anjali said...

[takes a bow] thank you thank you! :P

Red Soul said...

what happened ladies? no updates? im waiting for one :)

N said...

:) yeah u r right, we all have those code names. and thank god these people exist!! life would be tooo boring otherwise.

dropped by from Red Soul's...


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