Saturday, November 8, 2008

Notes from the diary of a Could be Roadie!

It all started when I heard that Dheeraj, a red haired wannabe model at work had registered for Roadies. Roadies, as you all must be knowing, is a very popular reality show on MTV, which selects a bunch of foul mouthed, skimpily clad youngsters who ride on bikes, fall off it, get cosy with each other and travel and see good places in the daytime and bitch and vote people out in the evening time. Of course, the channel thinks they are running a classic adventure series with daredevil stunts (read scripted).

Anyway, the auditions in Delhi were cancelled as rowdy Delhiites did ‘tod-fod’ in the venue. Result was, people could fill the form online and then be chosen. While I have never really harbored feelings to be a part of any reality show ever, but the fact that I could fill up a form online was making me curious to know how would I fare if given a chance (read a very easily accessible chance).

I filled up the form with very true answers, and sent it knowing they didn’t want ‘suljha hua’ youngsters like us, as Anjali puts it. Well, all you had to do was click on submit. So there.

I received a call a few days later from “Preeti from MTV” saying I had to get an extra pair of clothes that wasn’t branded for my auditions as my form had been short listed! Surprised and now a little worried (because it was fine till I was sitting on my workstation and filling a form online… Now it meant more work!) as I am the kind that sits on the sidelines and judges these funny people who want to be on TV. Now I was suddenly on the other side. And it was a little scary.

Morning of the auditions, 6:30 am
I dump my plans to go for the audition, because I had a sleepless night, and when I did sleep, I dreamt of two very decked up PYTs bitching about me on national TV, saying that I take too much space on the bed and that I eat ‘bhat’ on a road trip and that I have no fashion sense. All true by the way.

Still the Morning of the auditions, 7:30 am

I am sitting in the car with Baba, who had made sure that I went for the audition by saying, “We get to be young only once, so you must explore the world beta.” I felt like I was being taken to the butcher house.

As I entered the venue, I revived, feeling I should make the most of my day. Straightaway, I made a friend, Divyanshi. She insisted that this was the first time she had come to audition and that she had been partying all night. Her very pressed hair and a butterfly clip and nicely done features didn’t say so. Another girl, Nancy (or Harpreet) joined us, saying her nose had a small fracture thanks to the bottle that had hit her on the day the auditions had got cancelled. She had come for these auditions, yet again. Some enthu.

Soon, we were made to stand in a line and a camera swooped past us and we were asked to cheer very loudly and scream ‘Roadies’ at the top of our voices. When the camera came near me, I shyly waved at it. I still don’t know why.

Then came the ‘heroes’ (I say it in the plural form because there are quite a few in that category…You will surely know them all in due course of time) of the show, Ayushman. He came and asked some guys to prove it that they were ‘real mard’ by making them do push-ups. Even some girls did it. Don’t know what they proved.

We were all lead to a huge hall and divided into 8 boys and 8 girls for the Group discussion round. I had Divyanshi with me who seemed to like Nikhil Chinappa even more than I did. I silently cursed her. Into the GD room, we sat on a semi circle row chairs and the judge (Sagar from MTV Productions) said “Sab hindi mein baat karenge. Topic hai live-in (so much for his Hindi!) Mujhe yeh nahi dekhna ki kaun right hai ya wrong, mujhe bas apke behaviour ko dekhna hai.”

And the boys started off….They babbled loudly and endlessly about how everything is fake, and love is a time pass and nobody cares about emotions anymore and that ‘sab chalta hai’. One guy said, “Live-in mast hai, because ‘love shav’ kuch nahi hota, all that we need is sax. (yes u read it right) Sax mil gaya, to sab mast hai.” To that, a very quiet guy who sat next to me, looked wide eyed. He seemed scared at the mention of the word ‘sax’. I wonder how he was short listed for even the second round.

From the middle of nowhere, in barged Raghu, the man himself, Mr.Roadie personified. He entered with his arms outstretched, as if he was already holding the imaginary collar of an imaginary boy. His fingers then magically fitted into the collar of a boy sitting in the GD room and just like that, he was whisked outside.

And we heard. “Saale, B**********, tod-fod ki thi tune? Baap ka auditorium tha? Ja, jaa ke apne gunde dosto ko bol ki Raghu Dilli mein hai. Dum hai to aaj tod-fod kare. Sorry bol saaaaale!”

The poor boy, whose face was inches away from Raghu’s, stuttered, “Sir, maine to kuch bhi nahi kiya tha. Mujhe police ne do latth (read stick or cane) maare, to mai khundak kha gaya, aur pathar uthake tute huye khidki mein de maari! Sach sir”
“SORRY BOL B*******”

He said sorry and entered the GD room looking like he had wetted his pants.

I had forgotten by then if I supported the concept of live in or not. Also, the judge couldn’t hear anything properly, so he asked us all to speak one by one. While all the boys ranted about ‘time pas and sax’ the girls were a step ahead. I was the only other person who said that live-in couldn’t ever be a healthy concept. Except some cases, living in lacked a certain respect a relationship demands. People feel more like commodities.

The girl next to me who looked petite and quiet like a mouse with pink gloss, had this to say, “I think living in is great. If given an ‘opportunity’ I would definitely live in.” I felt sad for this creature who wanted an opportunity to live in. Tsk tsk…

Another girl with brown hair and a weird blue bandana had nothing to say but loved interrupting everyone with “all this is crap, sab chalta hai, live-in bhi cool hai” one liner.

The GD got over and the judge asked us to wait for eternity till the results would be put up. The ‘sax’ guy turned back and announced, “Nothing personal people!”

Once out, we realized why it would take till eternity. There were now atleast 800 people lined up in front of different rooms, all giving auditions. We were seated in a hall where one girl with ‘Diwali mela’ beaded hair came and said, “You know, I am an expert in street plays, so I was very efficient in managing the GD in my batch…blah blah”

I wondered how people can talk about themselves to absolute strangers and that too for hours. Saw Raghu asking one of the production staff what to do with a particular guy who had come to audition. When told to scold him, he began his usual bashing routine with this fellow who didn’t even know what he had done! I half wished to take an auto back home, itching to begin my blog post, I was mentally so done with this whole reality show business.

Four hours later and several smses between me, Nandu and Anjali, and pecking at Divyanshi’s alu parantha wala lunch later, this cute production guy who wore chappals and had three eye brow piercings announced we could see the results.

But before that, we had to huddle up together, shout Roadies again in front of the camera…I wished I had some vodka to enact this part for MTV. Ayushman, the host announced, “Guys, we received 50,000 forms from Delhi and shortlisted you 810 people. So Congrats! But now, we will be announcing only 10 people, who will be interviewed by Raghu HIMSELF! So here is the list!”

The girl who wanted an opportunity to live in was selected. The “all this crap” girl was selected. The street play loudspeaker was selected.

Suljha hua Mrinalini wasn’t.

My new friend Divyanshi looked like she had failed her 12th boards! I tried to make her see logic, tried to tell her that 10 in 810 dint mean she was dumb or not worth it, but she refused to blink or talk or laugh. The guy who had been bashed up by Raghu in my GD room came up with a shining red Swift and asked, “Lift, anyone?”

I sang ‘Sinngh is King’ along with the fm radio in his car and got dropped till home. The only other thing I did was tell the two people (him and Divyanshi) in the car that it was ok if they weren’t Roadies. They could earn and be respected people even now.

They didn’t believe me.

And that, my dears, is life :p


Mrinalini said...

this took ages to post! grrr! why do i have non-techy fingers?? :(

Anjali said...

even i love 'bhat' and i know its a touche topic for us ;-)

and one question. why Mrinu why? why were you there in the first place? :D
as i said your too "suljha" for them

Captain Max Gonzalez said...

oh! so said...almost a modern tragedy. Now it's all over for you. end of the world. Armageddon is THIS.
Now what will poor you do?
sob sob

Piya said...

Captain! how do you perceive her adventure as a tragedy? And Mrinu you must comfort this gentleman here he's going all sob sob after reading your note. Hope better sense prevails.

Mrinalini said...

piya, i am sure the captain means sarcasm when he calls this tragic...anywaay, yes, it did almost seem like a real tragedy for most of the people out there...sniff sniff!

Mrinalini said...

btw captain, when can we read your blog? invite invite :)

Ricky said...

This was such an interesting post, more so because I was hooked to MTV Roadies last year. It was great to see an inside view from someone "suljha hua" and not someone who believes in everything western, just coz its cool. I wish you had gone to next round though, just to read your interesting take on it :D

My fav line of the post is your Baba's thats cool.

Mrinalini said...

hehe..thanks...i m hooked to it as well...
yes, we suljha huas are misfits there :P and i so wanted to meet Raghu, it would've meant one more post! but to go to the next round, i had to be cool with 'living in':D so there.

rain girl said...

you really went?


koollllll not coz whether i like roadie or not, but coz i agree with ur dad.. :)

Mrinalini said...

@rain girl
yea i did...destiny has a strange way of workin...its almost ironic, i should go to Roadie! it felt like a sting operation :P
yas yas, baba is always right!

tania said...

I Loved this post..It is just so amusing to see people bare it all for a TV show

Jab I Write.... said...

this is a brilliant post M, I can completely relate to the plight of the wannabe's on realty shows as I too participated in one just to realise u need a whole new set of quirks to arrive really.I was upset on the day that I dint make it.... only to thank my stars much later :)

All in all its an experience all right!


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