Thursday, July 31, 2008

Strange beings called men

I’m a happee girl! No clue why, not questioning and I’m not even sure if it will last by the time I end this post, but what the heck! I will enjoy it while it lasts.

I’m rejoining school, well not precisely but I’m going back to studies after one and a half year of work and a few months of brainless-ness. It’s exciting and slightly nerve wracking, I mean being in class again, studying etc etc..

But but but, after 15 years of straight in girls only educational institutes, I will study with boys. Ick.

Let us, for a moment forget about the males in my previous workplace. I can’t call them guys, they were more like uncles, and bhaiyyas and umm all manners of beings. (and not a single one of them was good looking, makes me mad, it does)

So forgetting about the creatures in my office (and I will later tell you the reason for this selective retention, another story- another blog, several stories actually, but I digress; getting out of the bracket->) –ya, so forgetting about them, my erm experience with the opposite sex has been, for the lack of a better word, somewhat limited. Sure, they’re people too, but strange people.

See, in my limited experience (and I cant reinforce that point enough) I can categorize the guys I know:-

Shy guys(SG’s) – These are everywhere. Male versions of me so to say, never dated, never been in a relationship, stutter in front of girls and are basically shy. (Point to be noted- I do not stutter in front of guys, this is a trait specific to SG’s)

I like these kinds mostly, they don’t letch or make double meaning comments (it wouldn’t occur to them..and puns simply sail over their heads, even glaring ones). I like them and I like to be nice to them, somebody has to! But the problem is, it is unusual for them to have somebody be nice to them, and they decide that it is the perfect opportunity for them to overcome their shyness and venture into the world of relationships. Get the picture? No? They decide, I’m safe. I have to go to great pains to show that while I’m nice, I’m umm not interested.

Smart-asses (SA’s)- The deal with SA’s is that they are so obvious, they might as well carry a neon sign declaring it. Cocky, full of themselves, they think they are God’s gift to womankind (puke, gag, choke). They do not have the gift of gab but like to think so and believe that impressing girls is all about talking. Not a pretty picture. (What’s with the picture references, you ask? I think visually *nodding head*) Case in point- this awwwwwful guy in HR (cannot begin to emphasize the no of w’s required in that awwwwful to complete the description)

Checks out all girls on legs, whether you’re in the cafeteria, pantry, parking lot, anywhere. Talks non-stop in a high, whiney voice and thinks that if he only talks in English, it will impress girls *elegant snort*

Hmm.. so where was I? Oh ya, he was a self confessed ‘Cassanova’, a stud since school, all girls were gaga over him (gagagagagaa= gag gag gag) And I have no idea if it was his weird spectacles but it seemed to me that he was constantly letching. No kidding. Sorta glinty look in his eye. You don’t think it was glass reflecting, do you? Naww. He once stared at a girl in the cafeteria all through lunch, she was wearing a skirt. And I stared at him all through lunch to see how long he would stare. Fun fun.

Smart Alecks (SA2’s)- Well, you may as well ask me what’s the difference between the smart asses and the smart alecks. I’ll tell you- smart alecks are toned down/sophisticated versions of the asses. Mercifully, they don’t letch/ogle/lurk but they think they are pretty cool. But most importantly, they are major attention seekers and any attention will do whether male or female but they would be happier with the latter. Case in point? Well this guy I knew who you will hear much much much more about. He had purple long hair which was fading to pink, before that he had bright red, traffic light bright red hair , and after that he dyed them black, cut them short, and then finally went bald. Gettit? He would address 10 people in one single remark, pretend to be everyone’s best friend (such people get on my nerves, someone should puhleez restrain them) , and generally be all over the place, and all over everyone. Well, sometimes almost literally, no kidding.

Bhaiyyas/geeks/over 40-yr-old married uncles- Chance pe dance. That seems to be their motto (for the lack of a better word) in life. They will wish you ‘Good morning’; mutter ‘Hi’, ‘Hello, how are you?’ or find just about any reason to converse with you. Inane pieces of nonsense that will make any sensible person want to scream like weather discussions, transportation woes, life, work, children, colleagues..aaarghh. Every.single.day. Please pity me!

Dishy and nice but taken or married – Yes, this happens most often, the very rare single guy in your immediate surroundings turns out to be engaged/married/in a relationship. And I will not whine but the good ones are alwaaaaaaaysssss taken. (waaaaaah) Or they are not around me at least. Sniff.

The next category exists only in my book in the sense that I’m separating them from all the rest because of well, their erm particular affinity towards me. Its inexplicable, unwanted and someone please tell me how to avoid it.

The Singhs – Sardars. They really like me. I’m trying to be mature and not put in a sad smiley face here but the urge is overpowering. Why? Do I look like a sardarni? Or that I prefer men whose hair length is waaaaay longer than mine? Or whose faces become unrecognizable after they hit puberty because all the hair covers it?

No offence to anyone, anywhere but it’s a personal preference, I like guys without um covered faces(?) eeps.

But since 8th grade when this little sardar kid who grew up into a horrible boy decided that I would be ok as his girlfriend. Really, now. Suddenly, I was his girlfriend. He was 2 years elder, but one class junior to me. *Sigh* We were sorta playground friends till then, I used to play cricket with him and he taught me how to jump off a moving swing, which you gotta admit is pretty darn cool. So when I heard that 13-yr-old me had gone to Nirulas with that sorry bugger, I tripped. Can you blame me? Really?

So it started then and hasn’t stopped since. Be it the nice studio fella from Amritsar who wanted me to pose for him and maybe accompany him to the zoo so that he could practice. Well really. He said that his male cousins are not good enough to practice on since they aren’t all that glamruss. So after knowing the guy for 15 minutes, I’m supposed to be his model, muse and best friend? Not happening.

So there in these few categories, is the sum total of what I know of/about guys. And I would really, really like to change my opinion provided I get the opportunity. Wish me luck!

12 comments:

The Binocular said...

ROFL.... [:P]...
hey gurl.. nice blog..
well wish ya good luck... [:)]...

Mrinalini said...

yay! yay! :D
ummm, while i seem to have more than limited knowledge of men, i think you have the perfect sum total! :)
and singh is truly king for our Nandu :P
best of luck with the classes :)

Anjali said...

Nandu you have categorised 'them' well :P
and it is a fact that good men are never available! :( they are all taken...or worse are gay! sigh! tragedies of life :P

Piya said...

i love the character sketch:D soo precise!

whatever you may call me said...

hey there, girls. first of all, nice blog. and I like your theme of all-girls blog. very cute. and girly and chic.

but "not a single one of them was good looking, makes me mad, it does)?????

do looks matter so much?
i mean, sorry, but who do you think you are? even if, girl, you were Miss Universe, it doesn't give you the right to condemn someone based on their looks. if educated girls like you would be so prejudiced, god help others.

and i am not trying to hide my identity. i just don't have a blog.

Piya said...

hmm..i guess 'men' are getting really touchy about the way their species have been described.. first of all Mr.whatever, everyone has the liberty to form their own opinions. Try not taking things on a personal front. We're not even remotely interested in starting a debate on the sexes here. As far as "who do you think you are?" bit is concerned-damn! u guessed it She is the recepient of the Miss Universe Crown:D girls how did this gentleman here figure???

Anjali said...

Its her opinion. Why is Mr Whatever getting so agitated!!?? Am guessing he relates to one of the incidents...personally!
Common dude have a sense of humour...really. You need it :)

Piya said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Piya said...

agreed...prolly he should channelize all his energies towards writing a blog and give us an opportunity to comment too:D go boy/man/? blog!

Mrinalini said...

well, I will confess something here right now - looks do matter!
cos I am not that modest and am sure, in the core, neither are you Mr. Whatever I may call you...
initially its a pleasant appearance that catches your attention and then other things come into the picture...accept it or be hypocritical, we wouldnt mind at all, we know its tradition for you guys ;)

Nandini said...

mmm mmm.. Thank you Binocular, I guess I need all the luck I can get.

Awww..you girls are the best :)

@ Mr Whatever without a blog, I didn't realize a funny post would touch a nerve. What can I say, I have a highly developed aesthetic sense! lol.. (joke joke ;) you can laugh now)
But seriously, I don't have x-ray vision so I cannot tell whether a guy has beautiful heart/organs etc. (Another joke)

Captain Max Gonzalez said...

you seem to have covered almost all of them, save a few exceptions.
real nice blog. liked reading it.
carry on posting.
best of luck for everything in life.

 

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